already falling behind...

Well as you can see I'm already falling behind. I haven't written in a few days and my eating habits sure have not improved. Let's see if I can remember what I ate...The last time I wrote was...Friday? So Saturday I slept until 11:30, had tacos for lunch, one of my friends came over and we ate some ice cream then after I worked I went out to eat with a co-worker and did not choose the best options. Sunday I woke up a little later again, I can't remember what I ate for breakfast but had chicken dumpling soup for lunch and for dinner had that turkey burger I've been talking about for awhile. Today, I had a banana for breakfast, some apple cran raspberry juice and a chik-fila chicken sandwich for lunch...because it was cheap and for dinner I'm going to 75 cent tacos with some friends. The tacos aren't too terrible and I usually drink water with it so hopefully I'll be able to not eat once I get home.

I still have yet to exercise. The weather has been phenomenal but I'm just too lazy and tired and I do have a pretty bad cold that has made me super exhausted so now I'm just making up excuses. I need to get out and do something but it's just not working. I'm going to apply for a new job at a sports bar in January and I feel like if I lose 10 pounds or more I would have a better show because I'm sure girls who are more attractive will be hired over me. I need to lose weight for my health and my self-esteem. I need help!

Until tomorrow....

end of Day 1

So, today wasn't as successful as it could have been. Immediately following my last post I went to get my turkey burger and discovered it was frozen solid so I guess I'm going to have that tomorrow for lunch. I instead munched on some wheat tortilla chips and guacamole dip and watched two episodes of grey's anatomy instead of taking my dogs for a walk or doing an exercise tape. After work, I had a bite of a cookie, some wheat spaghetti with lite butter and cheese and for dessert I had some homemade applesauce. I guess it's not as horrible as what could have happened but for now, it's not the best start. I guess I do need to start somewhere and when I work I am walking around a lot so I guess that kind of counts as exercise? Maybe tomorrow I'll do a tape or walk the dogs, it is supposed to be nice outside...

Until tomorrow...

Day 1

So, I figure the only way to motivate myself to lose weight is to post it for all to see and be completely honest, otherwise I'm just going to continue on my downward spiral that has led me to where I am today.

I'm not sure how to do this or where to even start because in my mind, I know I need to do this. I know I need to eat better and exercise but life gets in the way sometimes and I want to stop making excuses. Since I have no money and I have to depend on my mom for the food supply in the house, I'll have to make do with what I have.

So far today, I'm not off to a bad start. I just had a bowl of cheerios crunch cereal with milk and that's all so far. But I usually start every day off healthy. I enjoy a nice bowl of cereal in the morning or a banana so that's not the hard part. The hard part is the rest of my day. I usually end up munching on some chips that we have in the house but they are baked so I tell myself they aren't terrible. Then before I leave I have some candy or some frozen cookie dough because it's a quick treat. Then when I get to work (I work at Olive Garden) I don't want to eat anything until I go on break and have 20 minutes where I can get a bowl of soup, salad and breadsticks for under $5.00 with my employee discount so that seems easier than waking up a little earlier and packing a healthier lunch for myself.

Then when I get home I'm tired and crabby and don't want to make myself food so I go out. I either go eat with my boyfriend at his work (TGI Fridays) or I go to McDonald's. All of it is horrible and writing it down makes it sound even worse.

I only have 2 pairs of jeans left that I can fit into. I'm pretty sure over the past year I've put on between 20-30 pounds which is my most dramatic weight increase ever. I hate my body, I hate myself for doing this but I can't seem to stop. I'd rather sit on the couch, relax and watch a movie than take my dogs for a walk or do one of the many workout videos I have at my house. I don't know how to stop and I don't know where to start but I'm going to try and write everyday, I'm kind of hoping no one will read this but because it's on the internet I'm sure someone will eventually. I will post before and after pictures...I hope the after happens though. Today for lunch I'm going to make myself a turkey burger and have a small handful of wheat tortilla chips with guacamole dip. I hope that's not too horrible but we'll see how the rest of the day goes. I do have to work tonight and I do hate my job so I'm sure when I get home I'll eat something horrible but I'm going to try my hardest not to.

For the record, my goal weight is 155 and right now I'm not sure exactly but I'm probably hovering around 210 or so. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning because that will be the best determinant of my real weight.

Until tomorrow...